This probably isn’t going to be a very happy post, just a forewarning.

I’m frustrated. Sad. Depressed. Annoyed. Etc.

Things are getting better with my quad/knee, but it’s taking quite a bit of time. I’m still not 100% and the NYC Marathon is a little over 5 weeks away.

• I ran 15 miles on August 31st. That was my longest training run and it was almost 4 weeks ago now.

• I’ve been recovering the whole month of September and I’ve run a total of 5 times. Anywhere from 1 mile to 10 miles.

• I ran 10 miles this past Sunday and my leg felt great, it felt about 95% the whole run.

• I’ve been going to physical therapy twice a week.

This week hasn’t been the greatest. My leg feels okay, but I feel like it regressed a bit after running those 10 miles. I don’t regret running those 10 miles, I needed to do them. At that point, I needed to know where I was.

I either take the risk and run long and hope for the best or keep not running and definitely not run the NYCM.

This injury is really fucking with me. I feel so up and down about it all the time. I have no idea what to do. I knew immediately to throw my goal of sub 4 out the window and I was fine with just finishing this damn race, but now at this point, I don’t even know if that’s possible. To say the least, it’s depressing.

I know it’s just a race, but for those who don’t know, this is the 3rd New York City Marathon in a row that I am unable to run. 2012, canceled. 2013, stress fracture. And now, 2014, who the fuck knows. Maybe I can still run, but I’m having a very hard time staying positive.

And to make things worse, I’m getting sick. The plan was/is to try and run 14 miles this weekend, but I have no idea how my leg is going to feel or if I’m going to be down and out with a severe cold.

I’m going up to NH tonight for a wedding this weekend, so I’m probably going to attempt those 14 miles tomorrow. My leg feels bad today, maybe because of the weather? Honestly though, I feel like these 14 miles are going to be a make it break it thing, since I’m kind of running out of time.

My training plan is sad and it kills me to look at it. 🙁

plan

PS. My schedule here is a mess and a mix of the old plan vs. the maybe future plan. It’s definitely not what I’m going to be running at all, so just ignore it.

5 Comments

  1. I think that one thing we runners need to do is to learn to live without the guilt. Guilt for not training enough, guilt for not running a PR, guilt for wanting to throw a stick in the spokes of those bikers always seemingly cruising while we are running long runs. Look, it’s not as if you didn’t want to train or didn’t try your hardest to rehab. This just may not be your time, and honestly, that’s ok. There is always another mountain to climb where the sun is shining!

    P.S. Don’t make me sing the “Cheer up Charlie” song from Charlie and the Chocolate factory! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCyLNfnHst8

  2. I’m so sorry that you are struggling with these thoughts and dealing with this again. No matter what you decide, or your body decides, just know that you’ve done everything right to try to heal your body. Marathon training is NEVER easy. It’s a beast and running the race is never a guarantee, unfortunately. But no matter what the outcome on November 2nd, I know you will make the right decision. I have DNS’d more races than I have run this year. I can understand how you feel. It IS frustrating. You have every right to feel the way you do. But don’t forget everything is a learning experience. You WILL have your sub-4 marathon that I have ZERO doubts about. I wish I could find the right words for you right now. All I can come up with is what my Dad always tells me and I’m trying to remind myself of right now, “Beak Up!” You are otherwise healthy and life (and your new kickass job) is good. This situation definitely sucks but never give up hope and believing in yourself. Love you, friend! Always here for you if you want to scream! Don’t give up hope just yet. All of my fingers and toes are crossed for that 14 mile run to go well.

  3. Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time and the injury and all. It’s really hard to have to give up goals and think about where you should be and what you should be doing. It’ll be okay though. You’ll get through it and run NYCM! *hugs*
    Amelia recently posted…When being assaulted isn’t even the worst part of your dayMy Profile

  4. Steph, I am so so sorry you are going through this. My heart hurts for you. I wish I could take all the pain away and help get you through this and to the finish line. I’ll be thinking about you and cheering you on every step of the way, no matter what you choose! Take the long run one step at a time and try not to start it already feeling defeated. I’m rooting for you!

  5. really hoping it went well this weekend…fingers have been crossed for you!!
    elizabeth recently posted…Running PerspectiveMy Profile

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