28. December 2014 · 7 comments · Categories: life

It’s been three months since I’ve blogged. That might be my longest stretch of silence.

I just don’t like writing about negative things and definitely don’t have anything running related to say.


The last three months have been busy between my 2 jobs, but all was going mostly well up until this last month when for some reason or another I just lost any and all motivation for everything. I worked 15 days in a row up until December 22nd and it was a lot more exhausting than I expected.

Things just haven’t been the greatest around here. I am not going to get into all of them, but I did get laid off from my job that I’ve been at for 5 years. There’s a hiatus happening and depending on if a show sells or not, there’s potential for returning. Either way though, I probably won’t be returning, some shit happened and it’s absolutely time to move on!

I spent 4 days in NH visiting family and it was a pretty great trip! We got to see a lot of family and friends and it was a nice escape for the most part. Back to reality starting today. I would love to say I have all this renewed energy and motivation, but I’m exhausted and I just want to sleep all day.

Starting this week, I have to start a hardcore job search, I definitely cannot pay my rent without a job. My 30th birthday is in 2 weeks and I’m having a hard time not feeling disappointed in myself. I just pictured my life at 30 to be a bit different.

I still have my beer and cheese job, but it’s only part time. I wish it could be a full time job with benefits and stuff because I love it so much, but it’s not possible.

I’ve also gained weight. And not just a measly 5 pounds, but I’m up 15 pounds and I just feel awful about myself. I’m not treating myself well and it’s starting to show, it’s a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to snap out of. My life feels a bit out of control and I don’t like that at all! I just can’t seem to get my shit together and I keep spiraling down a hole.

I don’t feel like a runner anymore either. 🙁 I’m pretty sure I just went back to the point I was at 7 years ago and I’ve lost that health and fitness mentality. Getting started is so fucking hard!

Whine, whine, whine.

Hopefully the new year will be just what I need to get back to normal. I will have some extra time for a few weeks, so I need to make sure I take advantage of that and get some good workouts in.

Happy New Year?

This probably isn’t going to be a very happy post, just a forewarning.

I’m frustrated. Sad. Depressed. Annoyed. Etc.

Things are getting better with my quad/knee, but it’s taking quite a bit of time. I’m still not 100% and the NYC Marathon is a little over 5 weeks away.

• I ran 15 miles on August 31st. That was my longest training run and it was almost 4 weeks ago now.

• I’ve been recovering the whole month of September and I’ve run a total of 5 times. Anywhere from 1 mile to 10 miles.

• I ran 10 miles this past Sunday and my leg felt great, it felt about 95% the whole run.

• I’ve been going to physical therapy twice a week.

This week hasn’t been the greatest. My leg feels okay, but I feel like it regressed a bit after running those 10 miles. I don’t regret running those 10 miles, I needed to do them. At that point, I needed to know where I was.

I either take the risk and run long and hope for the best or keep not running and definitely not run the NYCM.

This injury is really fucking with me. I feel so up and down about it all the time. I have no idea what to do. I knew immediately to throw my goal of sub 4 out the window and I was fine with just finishing this damn race, but now at this point, I don’t even know if that’s possible. To say the least, it’s depressing.

I know it’s just a race, but for those who don’t know, this is the 3rd New York City Marathon in a row that I am unable to run. 2012, canceled. 2013, stress fracture. And now, 2014, who the fuck knows. Maybe I can still run, but I’m having a very hard time staying positive.

And to make things worse, I’m getting sick. The plan was/is to try and run 14 miles this weekend, but I have no idea how my leg is going to feel or if I’m going to be down and out with a severe cold.

I’m going up to NH tonight for a wedding this weekend, so I’m probably going to attempt those 14 miles tomorrow. My leg feels bad today, maybe because of the weather? Honestly though, I feel like these 14 miles are going to be a make it break it thing, since I’m kind of running out of time.

My training plan is sad and it kills me to look at it. 🙁


PS. My schedule here is a mess and a mix of the old plan vs. the maybe future plan. It’s definitely not what I’m going to be running at all, so just ignore it.

I’ve stopped writing updates about training because my training kind of went to shit in the last couple weeks. And rather than give you all the boring details and timeline of everything, I’ll just give you some bullet points.

Training update:

•I have a quad strain.

•I haven’t run in over a week.

•I’ve been going to PT for it.

•It’s been very hard to stay positive.


Also, some general life updates for ya!

•I’ve picked up a 2nd job at a Beer and Cheese shop, 2 blocks from my apartment!

•I start tomorrow.

•I’m going to be working a lot between these 2 jobs, so maybe I’ll actually make some real money.

•My job description: pouring beer, talking to customers about beer, and tasting beer i.e. #dreamjob

•Also, I can teach you how to get a job without showering and without a resume. 😉


I’ll be sure to pop in and blog again when I have an update on my quad. Until then, trying not to be depressed.