28. December 2014 · 7 comments · Categories: life

It’s been three months since I’ve blogged. That might be my longest stretch of silence.

I just don’t like writing about negative things and definitely don’t have anything running related to say.


The last three months have been busy between my 2 jobs, but all was going mostly well up until this last month when for some reason or another I just lost any and all motivation for everything. I worked 15 days in a row up until December 22nd and it was a lot more exhausting than I expected.

Things just haven’t been the greatest around here. I am not going to get into all of them, but I did get laid off from my job that I’ve been at for 5 years. There’s a hiatus happening and depending on if a show sells or not, there’s potential for returning. Either way though, I probably won’t be returning, some shit happened and it’s absolutely time to move on!

I spent 4 days in NH visiting family and it was a pretty great trip! We got to see a lot of family and friends and it was a nice escape for the most part. Back to reality starting today. I would love to say I have all this renewed energy and motivation, but I’m exhausted and I just want to sleep all day.

Starting this week, I have to start a hardcore job search, I definitely cannot pay my rent without a job. My 30th birthday is in 2 weeks and I’m having a hard time not feeling disappointed in myself. I just pictured my life at 30 to be a bit different.

I still have my beer and cheese job, but it’s only part time. I wish it could be a full time job with benefits and stuff because I love it so much, but it’s not possible.

I’ve also gained weight. And not just a measly 5 pounds, but I’m up 15 pounds and I just feel awful about myself. I’m not treating myself well and it’s starting to show, it’s a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to snap out of. My life feels a bit out of control and I don’t like that at all! I just can’t seem to get my shit together and I keep spiraling down a hole.

I don’t feel like a runner anymore either. 🙁 I’m pretty sure I just went back to the point I was at 7 years ago and I’ve lost that health and fitness mentality. Getting started is so fucking hard!

Whine, whine, whine.

Hopefully the new year will be just what I need to get back to normal. I will have some extra time for a few weeks, so I need to make sure I take advantage of that and get some good workouts in.

Happy New Year?


  1. Oof. I’m so sorry for all of that. I think 2014 has been a rough year all around, but a new year is just about here and it will be way better.

    30 is a great age, but I don’t think many people have the lives they expected to have at 30. Things change, we change. It’s okay. It’s good even. 30 will be a new era for you and you’ll leave all of this crap behind.
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  2. Awe Steph! Hopefully all good things are coming to you in one fell swoop, with the transition of your job, the new year, and the always-needed-for-anyone downtime in your running. Savor this time for what it is, and for what it is preparing you for in the adventures ahead! Squeezey hugs!
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  3. Aww, Steph. Let me first say that at 37, I did not expect to quit my job unexpectedly, cut our income nearly in half, and spend almost the next year trying to figure out what I want to do and/or feeling like I have absolutely no talent or skills. I don’t actually believe that last part to be 100% true, but I feel like I know where you’re coming from as far as where you think you’d be in life at certain ages. But I’ve also learned that it’s okay if my timeline and milestones don’t fall in line with everyone else’s; I have to do what is right for my life and so do you.

    2015 is going to be your year! Embrace the changes happening in your life right now. I know you’ll find a new job that is even better than your previous one. You will run again and maybe even find something else you love just as much. Don’t fret about the weight gain – I’ve been there before, too. You’ll either lose the weight or just maybe be happy with how you look and feel now – either choice is 100% acceptable 🙂

    I believe in you, so hang in there and take a deep breath. It’s gonna be okay.

  4. I’m so sorry to hear the bad news! Know that you have friends all over the country who are pulling for you. And, when I lost my job in 2009, it turned to to be the BEST thing that ever happened to me… I am so much happier with my career now but probably would have never left my old job on my own! I’m hoping you’ll have something similar where you end up in an even better place than you were. BIG HUGS!
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  5. 2014 sucked! But that only means that 2015 will be exponentially better. Only place to go from here is up! I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and a bunch of crap things have happened. You know I know how you feel and it definitely sucks. But you are going to kick 2015’s ass!!!!! As my Dad has always reminded me through layoffs and injuries and broken bones….”Beak Up!” And I’m confident almost no one is where they thought they would be at 30. I certainly wasn’t. Please find comfort in knowing that you are not alone and that you are very loved. I’m here for you! ALWAYS! Whatever you need…just ask. Love you friend! Here’s to a kickass 2015 for both of us.

  6. this post really hit home. I’ve gained weight too (with you on the 15 lbs..) and have been really hard on myself – haven’t been running, haven’t been doing yoga like i usually do. its nice to hear that someone else is in the same boat. But don’t worry, you’ll get back into it and things will be good again! Good luck to the both of us!

  7. oh, stephanie! i’m so sorry. you will get through it all- i know it. and hopefully the right job at the right time will come in place. It’s hard to be motivated on and off of injury and with personal turmoil so I can’t imagine how you feel. wish i could give you a big hug- here’s to 2015 turning it all around and kicking ass. xo

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